three weeks

I just finished reading a novel about 3 women who were given the chance to go back in time and relive any three weeks of their life they chose. At the end of the 3 weeks they were brought back to present time, and given the choice to continue their lives the way it played out originally, or to choose the new life created by changing three weeks. (Summerhouse by Jude Deveraux) Of course to make the story interesting the women chose to go back and change encounters they had with men and choices they made in the past that they felt were making them miserable now.

Not that I am anywhere near being miserable, but my mind wandered off into "What if's", and I started wondering which three weeks I would choose if I was given the choice. A few years ago, I may have chosen a path that would let me pursue my "career" as an engineer with no worry of day cares and school systems, or how often we would be able to visit grandparents. Maybe I would have used my foresight to convince Brian to choose a position where he wasn't going to get laid off after a couple years, or where I would certainly have an engineering job available to me even if he didn't. I could have chosen a life that provided a more substantial income, more vacations, a bigger house with a bigger TV, more shopping trips just because. 

But then I came out of 'what if' land and looked around me. At a house that I had helped design every detail of and had a hand in almost every step of building. A view that is gorgeous even on a day that makes you want to curl up and hide inside. Two adorable blonde boys that I wouldn't trade for the world (even when they are driving me and each other mad). An amazing husband who helped make most of those things possible, and even puts up with me when I can barely put up with myself. 

Of course there are things that would be nice if they could be changed... a few less months waiting for paper work and excavators so we could start building our house, being able to spend more time with Aiden while the house was being built and Connor was turning his life as he knew it upside down, and having a larger budget to work with so we could have done all the "we can add that later" stuff right away.

Then there are the things that I would like to have changed that I'm currently working on... a few less baby pounds around the middle, a few more dollars in our savings account, and of course a little (or a lot) less guilt about staying home with the boys when our budget is tighter than we would like.

So which three weeks would I choose?

Honestly, I love what I do, and when I actually have the courage and the discipline to do it right it, my Mary Kay business makes life so much less stressful. I feel successful, Brian can relax and enjoy the time he has alone with the boys, and everyone is happy. So I would go back to July 10, 2009, the day after I started my Mary Kay business, and I would take all the knowledge I have gained in the last 2 years and I would take off running and never stop!! I wouldn't let the small things discourage me, I would force myself to learn the discipline to work this business as a business. I would ignore the voices in my head that convinced me not to pick up the phone to ask SO many times. I wouldn't let it take me 2 years to figure out that the only way to fail is to quit. (and of course I would choose to remember what I know now so the house would get started in May, not August, and who knows what else)

But of course, there is no magic time machine that could send me back. So I will have to accept that the house got built (no matter how stressful it was), that we will always have more projects on the to do list, no matter how many we cross off, and that right now the best things in life had better be free, cause otherwise they're probably not in the budget.

As for taking off running and never quitting... I am FINALLY at a point in my business that I feel the work I have done in the past starting to pay off, and I just have to keep myself working to keep it that way. I may not have gotten where I want to be yet, and I may not have gotten to this point as quickly as I wanted, but I'm here now, and I know HOW to get where I want. I have to keep working. Working smart, working consistently, and NEVER quitting.

And whenever I get to where I want to be now, I hope that I want to do more and be more, and that if given the chance, that I would have nothing to go back and change.